I believe it is so important to share our stories as mums, to talk about both the good and bad parts of our motherhood journey. So these next few blogs are some stories told by other mums.
** Please be aware that you may find some of the stories potentially be upsetting or they may trigger something for you. If you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.
Mum Stories Blog Series - Week 2
Lisa Cybaniak is a Certified NLP Practitioner, Motivational Speaker and Author who empowers women to overcome their self-limiting beliefs to build a life they deserve.
This week Lisa shares her story of how,
“they say no one can prepare you for parenthood, but rarely do I hear anyone mentioning the difficulties of becoming a step-parent. When I do, it's usually surrounding the relationship with the ex, not the challenges you face integrating into a well established family.”
Like many people, I assumed I would have children one day. Because I had survived 10 years of abuse as a child, I was quite scared about those prospects.
After 5 years of infertility with my first husband, I really didn’t understand what meaning my life was going to have if I didn’t have children. So, I set off creating a meaningful life that would positively impact others, despite not having children.
Over the next decade or so, I worked very hard to learn to love and value myself. And that was sure tested when I met my current husband… and his two sons. New romance… AND kids!
In a new relationship, trying to test the waters of romance to see if this was worth pursuing long-term, having the kids every other day complicated things.
Now don’t get me wrong, the boys were incredible and they welcomed me into their family immediately. We all just took up like we had always existed together. I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction, really.
It was hard!
I had been childless my entire 41 years of life. I was used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted, and with whom I wanted. Getting into a relationship creates challenges with time management, and trying to keep your own identity…
But getting into a family is a whole different ball game! I didn’t plan to conceive, or have nine months to create and prepare for a new arrival. I didn’t give birth and learn and grow along with my child.
Instead, I popped into their world when they were well established with routines, rules, and disciplinary structure. They had 6 & 9 years of discovering their likes and dislikes, talents, and habits.
In the blink of an eye, I walked into this family and had to learn cold turkey. Nobody prepares you for how difficult that really is. Not to mention, I don’t have my own childhood to reflect on for positive role modelling. When things get difficult, I can’t think back on how things would have been handled when I was young. I know what NOT to do, that’s for sure!
It’s now been 4 years of learning and growing together. They are my life now. Everything revolves around them. I’m just like any other mum out there, except I’m not. I’m a step-mum with 10 years of abuse under her belt.
Most importantly, I’m a step-mum who’s learned I can have a meaningful life helping others AND children to help raise into functioning members of society who will go on and positively impact others.
Abuse made me strong, but these kids motivate me to become even stronger.